Insomniac ramblings

Crazy Talk From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (2 days old)

This blog has become phenomenally unpopular. So few people read my musings that I’d imagine a notice nailed to a fence post somewhere in the wilds of Dartmoor would attract more attention from occasio… more

Saturday Smile From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (4 days old)

Carol Thatcher went to apply for a job with the Labour Party. After her interview she waited anxiously for the outcome. After a long silence Gordon Brown said "We do have an opening for a person … more

I Knew They Were Skint But................................... From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (4 days old)

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Rift Riff From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (6 days old)

In 2005 a 35-mile rift opened up in the desert in Ethiopia in a matter of days. This was caused by the rifting of the African and Arabian plates. The African and Arabian plates have been moving apart … more

A Wee Quickie From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (6 days old)

A woman posts an ad in the news paper that looks like this... 'Looking for man with these qualifications; won't beat me up; or run away from me and is great in bed.' She got lots of phone ca… more

There is Green and There is Green From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (7 days old)

Jesus and Saint Peter are sitting in Heaven, talking about the pollution on Earth and wondering what can be done about mankind's filthy ways. Jesus says he's going to pop down to Skegness to see the … more

Fings Aint What They Used To Be From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (8 days old)

I overheard this conversation yesterday. ''Mum you know when I lay down in your bed last night I shut my eyes and I couldn't shut my eyes, as much as I tried I just couldn't shut my eyes'' ''But if… more

Cannabis Correspondent From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (9 days old)

Have you been following the news about the government’s chief drug advisor Professor Nutts? I’ll just give you a quick run down to get you up to speed: Nutts was stiffing for his government bread-w… more

Rab C Goes To Partick From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (9 days old)

Saturday night being halloween I could hardly resist the chance to dress up and make afool of myself. So I was rather convincing in a string vest, headband and a few choice renditions and rants in … more

Well Done Stephen From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (12 days old)

My young brother had a Subarachnoid Brain Hemorrhage two years ago this month and he sent me a copy of his account of how he felt before during and after the event. He had written it for the Headwa… more

Friday Funny From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (12 days old)

A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you'v… more

Hello.........Emm.................. Goodbye From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (12 days old)

Annie and I decided to go and get some money from the bank yesterday as the Euro was up to 112. We left at one thirty. We seen a friend of ours sitting the April Fool so we went in for a quick drink.… more

Fair Exchange From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (14 days old)

A boy from the highlands of Scotland and his father were visiting a mall in Glasgow. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart an… more

Every Cloud From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (14 days old)

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me… more

The Big fFght From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (15 days old)

How Fights Start My wife sat down on the settee next to me as I was changing channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the big fight started... ************… more

Soul Fight! From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (16 days old)

I’m particularly enjoying the manoeuvrings of the Roman Catholic Church this week. If you haven’t heard, The Pope, Benedict XVI, a man that looks like Baron Von Greenback in a white toupee, has issued… more

I wrote a cartoon From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (17 days old)

the picture is too wide for this blog, so I posted it here. … more

Cartoon From mjohnson in The MJohnson File (17 days old)

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Oh Dear From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (17 days old)

I have just made a profile for Nick Griffin on Interracialromance.com Nick Griffin Headline: Orthodox Opinions - Pah! Describe Yourself: I'm an author, journalist, political campaigner, p… more

Sunday Snigger From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (17 days old)

A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dyi… more

Must take in Fluids From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (17 days old)

It is roasting here I don't know what the temperature is exactly but I have had two changes of shorts and three showers and it's only eleven o'clock. Me thinks it is a drinking day....Magners and i… more

Saturday Smile From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (18 days old)

wo five year old boys are standing at the toilet to pee. One says, "Your thing doesn't have any skin on it!". "I've been circumcised.", the other replied. "What's that mean?" "It means they c… more

Peace ,Perfect Peace From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (18 days old)

I seen this yesterday in the Local paper. I want to die in my sleep just like my dad Not like the three other idiots in the car, all screaming and shouting.… more

Billy Connolly ....Well Nearly From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (18 days old)

I was out and about on Friday and was introduced to the guy who does a Billy Connolly show here in Tenerife and sometimes he does the cruise ships anyway we had a drink and we told a few funny storie… more

Did you see question time on Thursday? From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (18 days old)

Oh you missed it, watch the highlights: From Cassetteboy.… more

Nick From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (19 days old)

Nick had nothing to contribute to the world. He was unemployed and cronically lazy, he had not earned a days wages in almost a decade. After Nick lost his job he’d tried to stay positive, at first he … more

Friday Cracker From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (19 days old)

A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body i… more

Hong Kong Nulty From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (19 days old)

I got quite pally with a wee guy from Hong Kong who I met in a bar out herein Tenerife and he has been giving me some lessons on speaking his language. Are you harboring a fugitive? Hu Yu Hai Din… more

GoCompare - Open Letter From mjohnson in Mg Fg Tg (20 days old)

Dear Chris Wilkins and Sian Vickers I understand that you are the husband and wife creative team responsible for Gio Compario the fictional opera singer currently featuring in adverts for the price… more

Women............................... From nultygoestopartick in nultygoestopartick (20 days old)

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme p… more